I Wrote to Heal My Heart

A few years ago, I got this itching to write words. Not for songs. Not for any particular reason…. As it turned out, I was writing to get the hurt out. Who knew?

When my mom died, I felt like an orphan. That’s because my dad had passed away nine years before her. I knew what to expect in the grieving process because I’d done it before. But it didn’t make it easier. Not at all…. except that I knew healing would eventually come. But when? and it’s not like you become an expert at grieving. It’s just something we must do to keep on going.
So several years after Mom’s death, I decided to write words. No idea what kind… I figured I’d just sit and write.

Words and Emotions Poured Out


Words started flowing out of me – sometimes faster than I could type. It was an amazingly-almost-weird experience. Because it was an almost out-of-body one.  Feelings began to flow in the form of words. Not just any words, but poems.  Although I’ve written lyrics for hundreds of songs, I’d not written poetry since my growing up years. But that’s how much of the words came out. Isn’t that strange?
As they did, I felt a familiar healing begin. This was a surprise, because I thought I’d already done the healing. Yet hurting stuff was sitting dormant inside my soul, just waiting for the chance to be expressed.
And so the words came and came and came. With them, returned memories that made me smile, laugh, weep, and shake my head in amazement at what a formidably wonderful woman I had for a mom. I wrote poems to capture all the feelings and tears and heartbreak and tender tutoring that reminded me – for sure- I’d see mom again.

I Will See My Mom Again


Life is full of beautiful, hard, amazing lessons. Gifts come in interesting ways. The gift given me was getting the hurt out of those nooks and crannies of the soul, where they were hiding. Just as it had begun – a tremendous need to WRITE – the desire came to an end. I was done. I guess the hurt had all come out. Phew… What a neat, and different, and precious way the Lord tended me when I didn’t even know I needed tending.
I figured I’d share one of those poems with you today. In case you have cause to mourn for a loved one who has gone on, maybe it will help you in your healing. Or, maybe it will give you pause to think of someone you love – so you can let them know it while they’re here to hear and enjoy those words from you. Maybe….

BUT THEN

“I’m sorry…”
there are other words
but I, in my hurt,
hear nothing more.
 
I only know
you’ve moved beyond
Earth’s mortal door,
and entered
where I cannot go
until our Father says so.
 
I weep
because your body
sleeps.
 
While we are apart
a certain portion of my heart
is sleeping, too.
 
But not to stay-
God made a way-
I know it to be true.
 
Gone for now…
But then…
I will see you
again.
[Vickey Pahnke Taylor,  published 2007]
The words might seem sterile to you. But if you think of someone you love very much, and how you can no longer – for a time – see them, maybe you can sense the loving, longing for, and loss. And conviction of eventual reunion,  of joy, and of gratitude for an Eternal Plan that includes the blessing of togetherness.
Writing simple words became my way of healing in a – well- very personal way.

Peace and Healing


Today, I needed to share. For whoever it is, I hope it helps you in some way.  Even a little bit. I don’t know who you are, But He does. And He wants you to get any unnecessary hurt out of those nooks and crannies, and feel His peace.  xoxoxo